{This Is My Life}

Inhibition

Welcome to my inhibitions.  My self-inflicted beliefs that strap me down mentally, emotionally even.  Beliefs that I could not possibly speak my mind, talk about real life ups and downs to the extent that comes so naturally to me, without sustaining injury to my business.  Clients, brides specifically, don't want to read about my uncertainty at times in my choice of profession.  Right?  And then there is accountability... if I were to really let you in on my intense desire to just create music and art -- the desire that I've successfully stifled within the deepest parts of myself -- you would surely think me a failure for not doing something about it.

That dream of mine to live and breathe music that I mentioned that I've stifled...  a more accurate word could not have come to mind.  The dictionary defines it as this:

stifle: to kill by depriving of oxygen : suffocate 

That IS how it feels.  In these quiet moments alone (although I'm hardly alone, with my family sleeping all around me)... these moments that are so few and far between now... when I let myself remember those dreams of mine again, I close my eyes and feel the warm tears forming underneath.  I feel like I'm suffocating.  But I do as my mother taught me as a little girl, and take a deep breath.  I remind myself what a truly amazing life I do have and I really am grateful.  And that gratitude is simply one more inhibition that keeps me from writing all that I wish I could.

Sleepy Thoughts

Jeromy & Pilot

I'm making it to bed later than I had hoped, but the quiet is SO nice.

A few random thoughts before I head to dreamland:

+  I started walking/jogging this week. Every other day.  It is HARD physically, but feels great psychologically.

+  My laundry is ridiculous and needs to be tamed.  Tomorrow I need to get rid of at least 2 pieces of clothing per family member.  That adds up to 14 items.  Works for me!

+  I seriously want to get some reading done.  At least 3 pages per day is totally doable.  Right?  Right.

+  I have been thinking of putting together a sleepy time playlist for the twins.  Maybe I can start that.  I'm thinking Nat King Cole: Stardust, Nick Drake: Pink Moon, Norah Jones: Come Away With Me, Me: Smile (I have sung this to my kids' since I was pregnant for my oldest).  Any other recommendations?

So tomorrow: dreamy playlist, 3 pages of my unschooling book, 14 pieces of clothing gone, and a day OFF of jogging (my body thanks me).  Sweet dreams, loves!

xoxo

I *love* Saturdays

*HOPE* To Do:

x.  Paint!  - What can I say?  I'm a little addicted to it right now.
x.  Grocery shop - I ran out of coffee (& pretty much everything else).  Yikes!
x.  Do something fun & out of the ordinary with Camden, Ella, Maya and Jeromy
x.  Finally begin updating my website
x.  Work on some paper/business/boring-but-necessary details

Alright, that's plenty ambitious enough for the weekend.

xoxo

35 Weeks!

Belly shot here!  :)

Everyday Stuff

*Quick note to my Facebook friends: Feel free to comment directly on my blog instead of FB.  Just click on the "Comments" link underneath each post.  Thanks!

Aside from getting ready for the newest munchkins' arrival (less than 5 weeks away!) and taking photos, not much else is getting done around here.  I can list off a hundred things that I WANT to do, but all I FEEL like doing is napping.  I've actually been so inspired to start all sorts of projects lately, but I can't possibly get around to it (due to putting off stuff that needs to get accomplished first).  I really hope I can at least create some sort of art to go above the twins' crib before they come.  Is that too much to ask?

These are from Monday, but better late than never.  Right?

The kids and I decided to just have a fun afternoon out of the house, since I'm not sure if I will be able to do much more of that.  First, we made a stop for a not-so-good-for-us lunch at Sonic.

Then we set off to fill up on pure sugar at Baskin Robbins.  Mmm mm mm.

We went to the library after that to pick out a fun selection of books, CDs, and DVDs to borrow, but I left my camera in the car for that stop.  I knew I would be too busy repeating myself the entire time ("we have to be quiet"... "we can't run in here"... "leave the stuffed animals over there") to take any pictures.  ;)  I sure do love our new library though.  The kids' area is so magical!  I might just have to bring my camera in there next time.

Well, I'm off to finish my frappuccino and mull over baby names before hitting the sack.  I hope you have an inspired and productive weekend!

Hello Monday

It's a new week!  For some reason, I feel like I need a fresh start this morning.  I want to finish this week feeling like I accomplished a lot.  We had a really great weekend and that helped me get this week off to a good start.  Jeromy and I took the kids to a vintage motorcycle show, we had a fun lunch at a new-to-us place.  Best. Egg rolls. Ever.  YUM!  The kids spent a few hours with my Mom and Step-dad while Jeromy and I went on a date to look at baby stuff.

We couldn't resist picking up these hats at Babies R Us.

Now that I think about it... I never announced the details of our twins!  We have identical boys!  They are quite proud to remind us of that every 3 weeks when I have my ultrasounds.  I haven't bought much for them yet, but I'm on the look-out for super cute boy clothes.  I'm trying to figure out, in case they come out really looking identical, how we are going to tell them apart for a while.  I've read one tip of keeping one in prints and one in solids.  Any other ideas?  My idea was to just bring them by AAA Tattoo on the way home.

Since I haven't given enough belly photos lately, here are two:
24 weeks.... 25 weeks (took this one last night & I will be 26 weeks tomorrow)

As of last week's ultrasound, the boys were measured weighing 1 pound 8 ounces & 1 pound 10 ounces.  We also witnessed baby A getting kicked between the legs by baby B.  Ouch!  Poor sweetie... he peed immediately after.  The doctor said "who wouldn't?"  Haha!

Just for fun....

Maya and I being silly & Jeromy showing me how to pose for my belly shots (he is so going to kill me!)

I have a couple of sessions to show very soon.  Make this week an awesome one!

It's Really Me

I am still here and am promising to post a blog before the end of the day (you've heard that one before... haven't you?).  I have sneak peeks to post, updates to give, and belly shots to take.

For now, I'm off to visit my Mom on this lovely Sunday!

I Asked For Change...

... and I got it.

No wonder my belly was so big for 14 weeks in that last photo.  Right?

It is still sinking in!  What a blessing... a shock, but a blessing indeed.

Changes All Around

Changes are plentiful around here lately, and I have to say that it feels really good.  I have always loved New Years.  The beginning of a new year feels like such a fresh start.  A clean slate.  There are always a few things that I want to start doing differently, or just start doing period.  Changes...

Camden's hair.

This was a big deal.  Camden is so not fond of hair cuts.  That is putting it mildly.  He really likes his hair short now that it's all over with.  Honestly, we were all fine with it long (even with the in-between-awkward-growing-out stage)... but the grandparents just could not seem to stand it any more.  One thing that didn't thrill me and Jeromy was how often strangers thought he was a girl.  He is our little man and it kind of stunk how often we heard "your 3 girls are precious!"  Ouch.  It looks super cool, but at the same time if he would tell me he really wants it long again, I would absolutely let him grow it out.  He is awesome... regardless of his hairstyle.

My Belly.

Photo by Camden

This is me about thirty minutes ago.  14 weeks pregnant.  Is anyone else nervous for me?  How big will my belly be at 24 weeks?  Or 34 weeks?  Oh my.  I really love having a sweet, beautiful belly again though.  I always loved that part.  Only 6 weeks until we find out if we will have a little girl or little boy in there!  Yay!

New Family Member.

Beautiful.  Isn't she?  A pure bred Cocker Spaniel.  She will be joining our family in February.  She will be about 8 weeks old by then.  Ella is insisting that we name her Darlin' (her version of Darling), but I'm trying to come up with something else that she will agree to.  Any ideas?

The House.
No photos as of yet, but my Mom has been majorly helping me organize my house.  Mom, I can't thank you enough!  She knows how I really want my home and she is great at lighting a fire under my butt.  Haha!  I will take photos of the wonderful new playroom the kids have now.  Hopefully I will post those in the next few days.

New Project.

Emily Falconbridge is leading a really cool project called 52Q.  Throughout the year, she will post a question every week.  Then we will answer the question on whichever type of "canvas" we choose.  She is using little shipping tags like these and I thought it was an adorable idea, so I am doing the same!  I struggled at first with trying to be creative and thinking of some out-of-the-box little canvas of my own, and then I stopped acting like a perfectionist and just went with her idea.  It's so fun!  I will try my hardest to post my tag each week.  If you decide to join in, please share it with me!  Leave a comment with a link to your picture or blog.

One last change to note... one that has yet to happen.  I am finally seriously thinking of dreading my hair.  It feels like just the right time for me.  I will definitely share my journey with you if I go ahead with it.

I am thanking God for the wonderful things He has done for our family in the last year and looking ahead to the amazing things He has in store for us this year!

Big & Bright

Wow.  What an amazing response from so many of you... on here, Facebook, Myspace, phone calls, emails.  I'm feelin' the love and encouragement!  THANK YOU.  Really.  We are super excited about it and honestly, I'm looking forward to watching my belly (and the baby) grow.  I love that adding another little person to our family means more opportunities to teach how to share & care & love.  This world needs more decent people walking around who know how to share & care & love.  Don't you think?  I'm pretty darn excited about buying baby things again, too.  FUN!

Something else I am a little too excited about today.  Getting digital cable.  We haven't had cable TV for months, and honestly I think it was a good thing.  The kids got out of the habit of wanting to watch show after show every morning.  A few of the shows that are being welcomed back with open arms?  Jon & Kate Plus 8 - a fav of the whole family.  Miami Ink.  Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.  Ace of Cakes.  Well, truth be known... ALL of Food Network.  I. Love. Food.  And I LOVE the holidays (as previously stated)... so I couldn't really handle the thought of not having my Food Network Holiday shows.  Eeeek!

 

Yesterday we had a full, fun day!  Camden, Ella and I went to the zoo and met up with Payton (see above photo), Brandi, and Ms. Bobbie.  Camden & Payton have been pals since they were in the womb - since before they had a choice!  The rest of the day was filled with a visit to the mall (and a little chat with Santa),  setting up & decorating the kids' miniature Christmas tree while baking & decorating sugar cookies, a visit to the library, picking up sushi for dinner (mmmm... before you freak on me, nothing raw), and finished off by stopping to visit my sister & niece, Aubrey & Elexa.  Super fun!  I love full days... as long as there aren't too many meltdowns to go along with them.

Here's to keeping up with my more-frequently-blogging self!